Depression

Nasty, evil, draining, exhausting depression.

That evil monster that convinces you there's no point, that you're not good enough, that you'll never be good enough, that things aren't going to get better, that you constantly let those around you down, that you're a failure, that you'll never succeed, that everything you do and have done was not enough.

Ruining everything, isolating, suffocating, smothering you till you physically feel that you're on breaking point. You feel numb, drained, exhausted, but if people ask how you are; remember that you're "fine" / "okay" and make sure you say it convincingly, make sure they believe it.

Draining you of all energy, so that even the small day to day tasks feel too much, getting out of bed in the mornings is even harder, everything is just harder. It makes the rainy, dark and miserable days even darker.

It's just always there like, oh wait you're feeling a bit brighter today? Not for long!
Oh wait you have a free moment? Let's make that moment so utterly miserable- let's sit here and think about all the times you messed up, all the friendships and relationships you've ruined, all the things you do wrong, all the times you have failed, all the times you let people down and hurt them, let's think about the things you used to be passionate about but no longer have the energy, confidence, motivation and concentration to do them. Let's think about how you're never going to get anywhere in life and that it's all just a waste of time even trying. Let's think about all the guilt you feel and the endless reasons behind it.

But again, just remember that when people ask, you're okay, you're fine. Please make sure that you fake a smile and act okay too.
But don't forget that I, that awful nasty monster will always be there, criticising every single thing you do. I will make you feel empty, I will make you sad and I will make everything seem impossible.