Just a post of thoughts and randomness..

You know those people? The supportive, reliable and purely incredible people? Those who make time for you, don't judge you and don't belittle you, but believe, encourage and support you? Those are the absolute keepers.
Sitting in my meeting today I find myself smiling, a genuine smile? Because I was sat with someone who full on supports me, believes in me and inspires me.

Me being someone who HATES the concept of failing, letting people down and just hates herself, being with someone who makes me smile and encourages me and my recovery is breathtaking and makes me want to fight this draining battle with myself.

It really does feel as though I'm on some never ending quest to find happiness and feel in control and worth something.. and although they say "you can't rely on others for you're own happiness" - as much as I agree, surely it's better to feel happiness from that than none at all? Sometimes we need those around us to encourage and support us because it's so so hard to encourage and support ourselves?
The past 5 years have been a battle BUT it's a battle I can't give up with because of the people around me.. They pick me up when I fall, they care and they believe in me. So giving up on me would feel like I'm giving up on them, letting them down, failing them and wasting there precious time.
I have to do this, I have too! Even if to begin with my motivation is based on other people, that's better than nothing! Right?

Also, I sat in town today people watching and I just love trying to read people and work them out. Their body language, how they act, eye contact.. all sorts! It's interesting and it's particularly interesting how by looking at someone we can almost guess their struggles and lives? I mean we may be wrong but it's just shows how we perceive others?
If they say 1 in 4 people have struggled or are struggling with mental illness, then as I sat there 1 of every 4 people who walked past me have struggled or are struggling currently. And it genuinely hurts me knowing they're battling through such paralysing illnesses and especially how there will have been people walk past who are too ashamed or embarrassed to receive the help they deserve. I wish there was something I could do to completely stop all of the stigma and negativity against it and find ways to encourage and support those going through it to get the help to help them find happiness and be there when they feel alone, hopeless and scared. But one person as much as they want to could not change he stigma made by thousands? Society sucks, but society is what we make it. If we make it filled with negativity and stigma, then that's what it'll be, but if we were to promote positivity, not be judgemental and remove all negative stigma, then society (I'm sure) would be a much nicer place.. 

I don't know, this is just me blabbing..