So I've been thinking about my blog; what I want to do with it and the type of posts I would like to share.
I have decided I want to try and turn it into a journal of my recovery, a journal of my journey.
I want and need to include some positivity and I want to post about my journey in the hope it will be able to help others, and/or maybe go as far to say 'inspire' others.
Obviously I can only talk from my experiences and what you read will either be close to the truth or the exact truth- depending on how personal it is of course. But I will not be exaggerating, pretending, lying- it's just going to be me, my mind, my blog and my recovery.
And I guess to start it off today is a good day to do so.
In terms of my anxiety and depression it really hasn't been very good recently, lots of negativity and lack of self belief, particularly last week and yesterday- having a very detrimental effect on my attendance and work at sixth form.
Last week I didn't attend any lessons, the one I told myself I would attend I wasn't able to due to having a panic attack beforehand.
BUT, today I was determined to fight, I had 4 hours of lessons and I set myself a target of attending a minimum of 2 and for anything more to be a bonus. I attended all 4. It wasn't easy, I had a few panicky episodes but.. I done it. I was determined to do it and I did just so.
I also attended a Zumba class that I used to go to twice a week without fail for the first time in months last night. Again, the nerves were there, the thoughts were there and as much as I wanted to turn around and go home, as much as I wished the ground could swallow me up, I went. I made it there. I managed to to join in for the first few songs before having to sit and watch the rest of the class because of the overwhelming feelings and thoughts. But I was still proud for even attending, let alone standing up and taking part for the duration I did.
It's days and times like these I want to write about, it's days and times like this which are positive and something to be proud of, it's days and times like this which deserve to counted as an achievement and something to look back on to pick myself up.
I hope you readers are okay, thank you so much for the support etc I've been given it really does mean a lot! Remember if any of you ever need someone to talk to, rant to whatever my email address for this blog is nataliepaige1396@gmail.com or feel free to comment on the posts or message me directly on my social medias. I'm more than willing to help!
It's hard, it's tiring, it's a bumpy road.. but it's possible, it's worth it and we can do it!
Keep strong!
Nat x
